The Life-Changing Magic of Changing Your Life

Or; It’s amazing what losing 50lbs will do to your life…

This past Friday I hit a milestone that was one-hundred-and-thirty-seven days in the making; I stepped on the scale and I’d officially dropped 50lbs. I stepped off and on probably a dozen times to make sure it was accurate. I’ve been trying to remember the last time that I’d seen the scale say 210lbs — it was around my junior year at university — that’s the best that I can do. It’s certainly been awhile, somewhere in the range of 13 years, give or take.

That night I wanted to celebrate — nothing over the top or anything— but I wanted to do something. We had some close friends over that evening (our kids played and after the kids crashed, the adults watched a movie). But, before they came over I jumped on the bike and did another workout, after which for some reason, I decided to shave. I hadn’t shaved in about 7 weeks, which also meant that I hadn’t shaved and seen the majority of my face in about 17lbs. After I killed Beardy McBeardface, I stood there staring at myself in the mirror for a solid minute — I really didn’t recognize the man looking back at me.

It’s kind of amazing what dropping 50lbs will do for someone;

• I’ve ended up getting rid of two 40L garbage bags of clothing that was ridiculously big on me. Really, I felt like a kid wearing his father’s shirt.
• My knees haven’t hurt for no reason in a very long time. Now they hurt because I’ve pushed too hard on the bike or running — very valid reasons.
• I can’t remember the last time I had acid reflux or woke up in the middle of the night wanting to throw up because of the burning in my throat.
• I’m happy. I cannot stress enough about the astronomical impact that this has had on literally every other aspect of my life.
• I’m sleeping better than I have since I was four (rough estimate).
• I’m just about to move onto my second new belt since early November. Unrelated; I now have some old The Early November songs stuck in my head.

Physically, I feel like I’m in my early 20s again — which is coincidentally the last time that I was this weight. Being fat fucking sucked, man. I’m still overweight. I have another 10lbs to go until I hit my “final” goal and another 16 to go after that until I’m at a “Healthy” weight — but it’s a MASSIVE step up from being classed as “Morbidly Obese” (Obese Class 2 + weight related health problems pushed me into that category). Fuck, I was stupid.

Mentally — this whole thing has done wonders for me. My confidence and self-esteem are at an all time high. I spent the majority of 2015 in a really dark place after some actions in 2014 left me there. I didn’t see a way out of the hole that I had dug. Despite all of my best efforts, it kept getting deeper.

“And I love life so fucking much right now I have to pinch myself. I can’t quite believe how far I’ve been dragged up from the depths of hell. This time last year I was miserable and I lost a lot of friends…” — Wil Wagner

Then, shortly after this past Hallowe’en, I went for a walk at lunch. Throughout the fall I frequently found myself at a park along the river at lunch times where I’d eat a sandwich and read a book. This place had become like my own little refuge that I could go to when I needed a mental break from the world. It had become sacred to me. I sat down with my back to a birch tree, one that I often sat against, and watched the river flow by for what seemed like an eternity.

I had my headphones in and was listening to Thrice’s Major/Minor album while I ate my lunch. The song Words in the Water came on and as I listened to the words and watched the river, I lost it. I don’t know if it was the lyrics, or the last year of my life, or watching the river, or a combination of them all — but I friggin’ lost it, man. I’m not ashamed to say it.

It was there under this big leafless tree, freezing my ass off in the cold and wiping tears from my eyes that I decided that it was time for a change. Something needed to be done. I was miserable. I was out of shape. I was ruining my marriage. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

That was day one. That night I symbolically cut all of my hair off — a good 8 inches of it — and had my first workout in a couple of years. I didn’t know it then but my life was about to take a drastic turn but thankfully I was already on the right path. I powered through it and kept pushing.

Fast forward to nearly one-hundred-and-forty days later and I don’t recognize the man that I once was. It’s cliché to say but it’s the honest truth. Like I said, physically, I haven’t been in this shape in well over a decade. I still have a lot of work ahead of me but dropping over 19% of one’s body weight in a pretty monumental feat.

The storm has passed. I hadn’t been overly happy in a long time — mostly related to being out of shape but also largely due to some terrible relationships. I spent the majority of the new millenium at — in retrospect — what was probably a 5/10 — though most people wouldn’t have known it looking from the outside in. I vividly remember the event in April 2000 that everything snowballed from — but that’s a very long story for another day. Skip to the end of 2014 and that 5 dropped to a 2 — or a 3 if it was a really good day. That’s where it stayed for the majority of 2015 — on the cusp of calling it all off. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions as to what I’m saying (or not saying) here.

Now — now I spend my days at an 8, usually more. This whole adventure has had an enormous impact on every aspect of my — our — life. For the first time in my life, I’m smiling when I wake. I owe so much to so many people that have helped me get to where I am today; some pretty big storms have been weathered. To say that I’m “thankful” for those that I’m closest to would be an astronomical understatement. I’ll be forever paying an insurmountable debt to all of you.